What Not To Say At Interviews

"Would it be a problem if I'm angry most of the time?"

"Sometimes I feel like smashing things."

"I am fascinated by fire."

"I like tall women."

"Almost everyone is guilty of bad sexual conduct at some time or other."

"I think I'm going to throw up."

"I collect photographs of everyone who interviews me."

"How frequently do your accountants audit petty cash?"

"Does your LAN have a firewall that blocks triple-X rated websites?"

"Who's the ugly cow in that picture on your desk?"

"What's your company's policy on severance pay?"

"Does your insurance consider genital herpes a pre-existing condition?"

"I don't really want this job, but the unemployment office needs proof that I'm looking for one."

"Yes, I was let go from my previous job because of a "faeces incident"

Pointing to a black case "If am not hired, this bomb will go off."

"I killed my previous boss in self-defence."

"I really don't have any skills whatsoever because this is my first job."

"You would be exceedingly foolish not to hire me."

"My mum could give you a reference."

"I like this company because it's a short commute from my house."

"Do I have to dress up?"

"I was working for my mum until she decided to move."

"Please do not misconstrue my 14 jobs as "job-hopping". I have never quit a job."

"Oh-my-God, you need to give me this job because it?s, like, Fate or something. I had a dream that I was running naked through this office with a giant pig chasing after me."

"Look me in the eye, and tell me if I ain?t the most honest-lookin? criminal you know."

"I really feel that I've grown in the past few years. Used to be I wouldn't have given a job like this a second look."

Subscribe

• Tag Feed for interview
• Tag Feed for job
• Tag Feed for joke