To My Dear Wife.....

During the past year as in other years, I have tried to seduce you 365 times. I have succeeded 36 times. This is an average of once every 10 days. the following is a list of your excuses why I did not succeed more often;

" it's to hot"                         22 times
"I'm to tired"                       152 times
"it's to early"                       25 times
"it's to late"                         13 times
"pretending to be asleep"    19 times
"wrong time of month"        12 times
"you had to go to toilet"      32 times

During the 36 times I did succeed,the activity was not entirely satisfactory because 6 times you told me to hurry up and get on with it, 23 times you just lay there and 7 times I had to wake you up to tell you it was over. once I was afraid I had hurt you because I felt you move and once you mentioned the crack in the celling.

Darling is it any wonder I have taken to drink.......?
       
Your loving husband.

To my dear Husband,

In answer to your letter just received, it seems to me you have got things a little confused. Here are the real reasons you don't get more nibbles than you do;

"you came home blitzed"                          122 times
"you didn't come home at all"                    29 times
"you didn't come........."                           14 times
"went soft before you got it in"                  18 times
"working late"                                          49 times
"in a fight and got kicked in the nadgers"   2 times
"brewers droop"                                      95 times

Of the times we did get together, the reason I lay still was because you farted and I was trying to breath. By the way I never mentioned the crack on the celling. in fact what I actually said was "Do you want me on my back or kneeling!"

However, 6 months ago, I phoned alcoholics anonymous for help and their nice representative has been seeing me most afternoons.

your very happy wife

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